There, fixed it for you.
How can you tell there's a drummer on your porch? The knocking gets slower and slower.
How can you tell there's a bodhran player on your porch? The knocking gets faster and faster.
How do you get rid of them? Pay them for the pizza...
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What does a stripper do with her a****le before going to work? She drops him off at band practice.
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What's the proper use of a viola? Kindling for the bagpipe bonfire.
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Take a man, give him 2 sticks and call him a drummer. If he fails, take away one stick and call him "Maestro".
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I'll be here all week folks! Back with the 11pm show after I bus your tables and do the dishes! Chef says "try our frog's legs, we can't sew them back on now!"
Badda bing, badda boom.