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[Robert Piascik]

Worked my first festival of the season yesterday

Actual questions I was asked:

1st performer: Here's my jump drive, do you have a laptop I can play it on?

Next performer (who obviously saw my interaction with the first performer): Do you have a table I can put my laptop on?

Third performer: Can I use your iPad to stream my tracks?

Later, I'm a cellist, I need a chair, do you have one?

Me to band member: How does the band set up on the stage?
Band member: I don't know how the band sets up

Do you have a drum rug?

I have a vox processor (I was ready with splitters! Gave them all the processed vocal they wanted in their monitor!)

Do you have a drum rug?

At least three guitar players with 8+ pedals on their boards who plugged in and got no sound from their rig

Do you have a drum rug?

Ahh, the smell of hot dogs on the grill, summer is here!!

Who's got things to add??

 

[Patrick Tracy]

I'm out of it for a few years now, but...shared kit, band with lefty drummer scheduled at the midpoint of the show.

[Dave Guilford]

I have a vox processor (I was ready with splitters! Gave them all the processed vocal they wanted in their monitor!)

Yoink.  I love this.

[Mal Brown]

Welcome to revenue season!

[Mark Cadwallader]

Question 1: Where is your [1/4"] plug for me to plug my guitar/keys/drum machine into? 

Question 2 (same guy):  I need 3 more for my rig. You got those too, right?

[Ivan Beaver]

One of my favorites:

Me: How many singers?

Them: Just 1

Me: OK

Then they complain that they don't have enough mics.  But you said you only needed one!

Them:  Yeah, we only have 1 singer, but 3 of us do backup---------

[Ivan Beaver]

My all time favorite was a punk show I did back in the 80s.

The first band is setting up (and they look like this was their first time doing so).

I skipped the kick check ( because somebody had to go back home and get the pedal).

I said "Give me your snare".  I DO NOT make this stuff up.  The drummers response was -I am NOT kidding---

"Which one is that?"

An honest to God story.

I seriously thing the band decided to form that morning-went to a music store and bought some instruments and then simply banged on them.

[Kevin McDonough]

Haha

yeah I just did a show over the weekend, festival celebrating Italian food/drink/music/culture etc and the many Scots-Italian families we have here. Quite a big, well produced thing in the middle of Glasgow.

First act of the Sunday turn up, an acting/drama/glee school. We get them on stage to set up and they work out their positions dor the dancers, check they're happy with the vocal level in the wedges etc. The guy with the backing tracks on an ipad is "running late" so we check music level from my laptop and seem as ready to go as we can be.

First two tracks run fine from said iPad. Last track isn't on the iPad so they try and play it from someone's phone. However when we swap the cable over the phone won't sense that the audio jack has been plugged in and continues to play from it's little internal speaker!  "This cable's broken!"

I know it's not, we've been using it all weekend, but quickly rummage and get another minijack cable and stick it in the desk just in case, same issue.  "Quick, who's got the track on their phone?" and someone else pulls out a phone. Doesn't have the track on it.

People from the group are beginning to panic now, and with the pregnant pause going on too long and the singers all in position, the two stage presenters realise there is an issue and come on stage to interview the cast members and fill time. A third phone appears and plugs into the desk. The audio starts for a second and it works, but disappears again as the battery dies! 

A 4th phone is pulled out, but it's a new iPhone and doesn't have a headphone socket!

a 5th phone appears, and someone is shouting to a cast member on stage to get the pin number to unlock it! They're trying to mouth the pin number to their band leader from the stage to the FOH tent while the presenters are making jokes asking for their mother's maiden name and date of birth next! 

Finally the presenters say we're gonna take the girls off stage for a few mins while we sort the technical issues and we'll be right back, and we fill with background music until they get their shit together.  The 6th device they try actually works and we get audio, so once we know we're all set they're all brought back on to do their final number!

K

[scottstephens]

Who's got things to add??

  Do you have any picks? Do you have a cable for my guitar?  Do you have any drum sticks? What's this speaker here on the stage?  Can we move it? followed by...I can't here myself.
  I forgot my amp/guitar, do you have one?  And one of my favorites, I might be at the wrong gig, do you know where the rest of my band is?  Can you hold my purse/coat?  Can I plug my phone in here?  Do you know my cousin He runs sound for...?
  It's no wonder we are nuts.

Scott

[Matthias McCready]

20-year-old "Electric Guitarist," "What is a pedal?" ....he asked as he was unsuccessfully trying to tune by ear.... nope

Drummers showing up to a gig, "Why are there no cymbals and snare?" when they were notified well in advance that they needed to bring their own...

Violinist: "My violin doesn't sound good in the IEMs, it sounds harsh."
Me: "I am sorry to hear that I have already done as much as I can."
My thoughts: Well that is because your violin is a screechy POS, I have EQ'ed as much as I can... FYI it sounded better in the IEM's than standing next to it! (less harsh and screechy). I think that was a combination of poor playing and an ill-constructed budget instrument.

Later that same day a really good violinist performed, she even brought her own LR Bags DI too! What a difference...

Keyboardist: 5 minutes before they are to start performing "I don't like my sounds (patches)... can you find some better ones for me?"

A drummer who adamantly refuses to figure out how to do rim-shot "can you turn my snare up in the mix?".... Dude you are the softest hitter I have ever met, you gotta hit the thing! (This was a 10-day long event, he was the only drummer who needed more snare...) Furthermore, he had the groove of a dying salmon, less than enjoyable...

I was talking to someone about upgrading their system when they build a new facility. I recommended he contract a system designer and integrator for audio, he then proceeded to tell me system design was what he "went to school for." I am familiar with the institution and they do not teach anything of the sort. This was right after he asked me what the difference between an actual install system from Nexo/Meyer Sound/D&B rig vs the ancient JBL Eons, he used stating he had never really paid attention to how they sounded??? Ignorance is bliss I guess...

I showed up to mix a medium/large event this last weekend (CL5 with a 24 box flown Nexo Geo-T Array) and some guy the event promoter hired to put up signs comes up to me and states "I brought you some speakers... they are really good too. They are Harbinger. Ever used them before? They are great! I did have a big Yamaha 32 channel board, but I had to sell that back to Guitar Center, otherwise, you could mix a big band!" (keep in mind this is a talking heads event, with no bands...)

He then proceeded to pull out the two cheapest boxes I have ever seen, one of which had a large 8" hole in the plastic enclosure... I politely stated I would not be needing his 2 two speakers or his 4 channel Behringer board...

Upon asking the event promoter, he thought they could be delay fills for the press/media area?? No.

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