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Author Topic: Good old (short) jokes...  (Read 56623 times)

Jonathan Johnson

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Re: Good old (short) jokes...
« Reply #60 on: September 09, 2014, 06:59:23 PM »

Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Ray Noorda were having lunch one day. (In case you're wondering, Ray Noorda was chairman of Novell -- remember Novell? -- which used to be a powerhouse in the network OS world.)

Naturally, they had to flaunt the technology of their respective companies. As they were eating, Bill's watch started flashing and vibrating. Bill excused himself, saying "just a moment, I have to check this email on my Outlook(R) watch."

A little bit later, Steve's ear started ringing. Steve said, "Excuse me, I must take this call" as he pulled on his earlobe.

Not long after Steve hung up, Ray let out a thunderous fart. "Quick, get me a piece of paper. I'm receiving a fax."
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Stop confusing the issue with facts and logic!

Jon Waller

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Re: Good old (short) jokes...
« Reply #61 on: September 10, 2014, 03:10:17 PM »

Why don't women have any brains?

They don't have a penis to put them in...

In keeping with the theme ....

Next time she accuses you of thinking with your dick,
ask her to blow your mind!

(heard at a comedy club, I don't remember the comedian)
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ISP Technologies

Bob Leonard

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Re: Good old (short) jokes...
« Reply #62 on: September 12, 2014, 11:49:05 PM »

You know your wife's loosing her figure when she puts on the bikini, goes into the water, and the top get's wet before the bottom.
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BOSTON STRONG........
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I did a gig for Otis Elevator once. Like every job, it had it's ups and downs.

g'bye, Dick Rees

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Re: Good old (short) jokes...
« Reply #63 on: September 13, 2014, 12:47:10 AM »

You know your wife's loosing her figure when she puts on the bikini, goes into the water, and the top get's wet before the bottom.

Thanks, Bob.  Made my day.
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Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain...

Bob Leonard

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Re: Good old (short) jokes...
« Reply #64 on: September 13, 2014, 05:20:07 PM »

A man hears his wife in the kitchen crying and goes to find out what's wrong. He looks at the kitchen table and say's "What's wrong?" She says " I've got this jig saw puzzle of a tiger and can't figure out where to start." The man looks at his beautiful blonde wife and says " Honey, put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."
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BOSTON STRONG........
Proud Vietnam Veteran

I did a gig for Otis Elevator once. Like every job, it had it's ups and downs.

Bob Leonard

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Re: Good old (short) jokes...
« Reply #65 on: September 13, 2014, 05:37:40 PM »

I had my wife dye her hair blonde. Now I get to park in the handicapped spots.
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BOSTON STRONG........
Proud Vietnam Veteran

I did a gig for Otis Elevator once. Like every job, it had it's ups and downs.

David Simpson

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Re: Good old (short) jokes...
« Reply #66 on: September 15, 2014, 09:43:08 PM »

What's the difference between a violin and a cello? A cello burns longer.

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion? Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

What do you call a drummer in a 3 piece suit? The defendant?

What did the guitar player get on his IQ test? Saliva.

Relative minor: A guitarist's girlfriend.
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Mark Oakley

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Re: Good old (short) jokes...
« Reply #67 on: September 15, 2014, 11:36:37 PM »

Four friends, who haven't seen each other for 30 years go out for dinner.
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.
He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire... He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?' One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons... What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.' The three friends said: 'What a shame... What a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.

And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

-Mark
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Jack Arnott

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Re: Good old (short) jokes...
« Reply #68 on: September 16, 2014, 01:37:42 AM »

Q:What's grey and sticky?
A: A stick
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Steve M Smith

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Re: Good old (short) jokes...
« Reply #69 on: September 16, 2014, 02:42:45 AM »

Q:What's grey and sticky?
A: A stick

Alternative question:
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
 
 
Steve.
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ProSoundWeb Community

Re: Good old (short) jokes...
« Reply #69 on: September 16, 2014, 02:42:45 AM »


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